She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
