There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
