3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
