so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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