I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
