im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
