i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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