the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
