I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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