his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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