alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
