We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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