Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
