if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
