god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize