we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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