So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
