so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
