I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
