Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
