why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
