Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
