On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
