Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
