I will die if light touches me.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize
