can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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