You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
