No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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