im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
