There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
zippers are such a cool invention
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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