I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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