Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
