I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
