This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
So squirting runs in the family.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
