Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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