you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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