All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
