Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
