shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
