Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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