I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
