Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
