The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just pee around me
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
