so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
