I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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