I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She bit a glass in half.
It's never too late to be topless.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
