I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
