You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
