I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
