Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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