there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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