I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
