WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
