new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
