When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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