So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
