i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
and she was petting her beer can
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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