If that was your dad, he is hot
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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