I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
