I need help removing her.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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