No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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