Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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