wanna go halves on a baby?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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