I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
