I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
