What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize