I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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