you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
