At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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