I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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