Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
