I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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