we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
