dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
