i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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