I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
